The breakdown of a relationship, especially after a long marriage, is often described as one of the more emotionally difficult periods of a person’s entire life. It is exacerbated further when both financial and parenting issues need to be discussed following separation. This may sound hyperbolic, but family lawyers know that it is reality.  

This circumstance raises two key questions for family lawyers: How can we most effectively help clients who are feeling this way? What effect does this have on us lawyers as human beings?  

This is where trauma-informed practice becomes critical. 

What does trauma-informed practice mean? 

In practice, being trauma-informed is not about becoming a counsellor or therapist. It’s about recognising the effects of trauma on how clients engage with the legal process, and adjusting our professional approach so that we: 

Create environments where clients feel safe and respected. This may be different from client to client, but taking the time to recognise what environment to create at the outset of the matter can be very helpful in the long run.

  Understand trauma-related behaviours and avoid misinterpreting them as avoidance or obstruction. A question to ask yourself: is this person a difficult client or are they going through a difficult time that I could potentially help them with?

Minimise the risk of re-traumatisation through the way we ask questions, manage disclosure and prepare for court. This is incredibly important when drafting documents when you need detailed instructions on events that occurred during the relationship.

How to provide support

Strategies to create a more supportive client experience include:

- - Offer options for remote or in-person meetings. 
  - Allow a support person to attend where appropriate, provided you vet who the support person is, as some can be a hindrance rather than help to gathering instructions. 
  - Be mindful of seating arrangements and confidentiality in waiting areas. 
  - Break down advice into clear, manageable steps. 
  - Provide written follow-up notes after meetings. 
  - Avoid jargon. Clarity reduces anxiety and supports comprehension. 
  - Normalise emotional reactions and explain why particular details are required. 
  - If needing to commence court proceedings, walk clients through court processes in advance and look at safety plan available through the court registry. 
  - Set realistic expectations about timing, questions, and possible outcomes so no unnecessary stress is created by delayed and outcomes outside of your control.

Trauma for the family lawyer 

Secondary trauma, or vicarious trauma and burnout, are risks for practitioners.  Vicarious trauma refers to the emotional and psychological stress experienced by individuals who are exposed to the traumatic experiences of others, often through their work or relationships.

The effect of vicarious trauma can vary from lawyer to lawyer, but common signs include:  

- - feelings of sadness, anxiety, and/or depression,

- - emotional exhaustion as individuals absorb the traumatic experiences of others

- - difficulty concentrating

- - intrusive thoughts related to the trauma

- - impaired decision-making abilities

- - physical symptoms, such as fatigue, insomnia, headaches, and stomach issues

While you may see these symptoms as “part of the job” as a family lawyer, it should not be the norm to think and feel this way. 

How to manage the trauma

Strategies to manage the day-to-day trauma that is inflicted upon you include:  

Incorporate self-care practices into daily routines to promote physical and emotional wellbeing, for example: regular exercise, spending time with loved ones, prioritising sleep as much as possible.  
Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. 
Connect with colleagues, friends, or a support network to discuss experiences and emotions related to vicarious trauma (i.e. vent!).
Delegate tasks when possible and communicate workload concerns.

And finally, as I’m sure you’ve heard before, do not be afraid to seek professional help – it could be the difference between you staying and thriving in your job, or burning out. 

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